So, this is a vegan recipe – yes I know you’re not a vegan. Well I have to work with the repertoire of the week that was and this is what I have been making so suck it up. Anyway maybe you have a friend who cares about animals too so it might come in handy. Or else it’s seems to be a pretty straight forward cake which is a boon for the recipally challenged such as you.

Ingredients
220g/8oz self raising flour
220g/8oz caster sugar
220g/8oz soya milk
80ml/2.8oz sunflower or rapeseed oil
+ strawberry jam and icing sugar

Oven to 180c

Step 1 – Combine (that means mix with a spoon eejit) the dry ingredients in a mixing bowl – that’s the flour and sugar in case you are really struggling with the whole wet and dry thing.

Step 2 – Combine wet ingredients in a jug…that’s right Sherlock milk and oil.

Step 3 – Pour wet into dry and stir together (not too much beating only till just combined)

Step 4 – ‘Grease’ two 8″ circular cake tins (these are about £2 each from tesco or similar) grease means rub with oil or butter then I would sprinkle a little flour in and bash sides so it spreads over the tin.

Step 5 – Pour mixture evenly into the two tins and put in oven 25-30 mins

Step 6 – When cakes are starting to come away from the edges of the tin and they have risen they are ready. Take out. Leave for about 10 mins then then out onto baking tray.

Step 7 – Leave to cool. When cool spread strawberry jam on one of the sponges.

Step 8 – CAREFULLY put the other sponge on the top and mix up your icing (you could just dust on some icing sugar through a sieve if you like a more WI feel) for a retro birthday cake feel mix up icing sugar and water to make basic water icing and spread on. For Cynthia retro add a number (your required age) in smarties.

Happy birthday for June…Maybe you will have the skills to make this for then. Maybe. Maybe not. I’m pretty sure you will have to make your own cake though… 28? Seriously no one will be bothered – I will most certainly outshine you with the rents at 30 expect no gifts.